You're just like me, an alcoholic who has to drive his children to various after-school activities.

Since I'm in the middle of suffering from what my health insurance company calls "major depression with suicide risk", and the economy appears to be headed for a major depression with implosion risk, I have decided to do the only sane thing left: avoid the news. Well, that's not exactly right. I have decided to switch from getting my news from the News Hour and the Nightly Business Report and The New York Times to getting my news from The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. This is somewhat complicated by the fact that I don't have cable, so I watch the shows the next day online.

So, not only is the news I'm getting mostly satire, it's also a day old. Besides, I figure if anything really important happens, John McCain will suspend his campaign until the problem is ... oh, wait. Maybe this isn't such a good plan after all. But, at least it's distracting, and educational. My favorite was when Dennis Kucinich showed Stephen Colbert the contents of his pockets, which included a pocket-sized copy of the Constitution.

"Did you shrink this down yourself?" Colbert said.

"No," Kucinich responded. "George Bush already did that." And everyone in the crowd cheered like I'd never heard them cheer.